how could I tell?

I am afraid of rejection. Pathetic huh?

As much as I want to be with you, I am afraid to pursue you. I am afraid of what you would say, of what you would think. I dont want to make you angry - because this feeling may be is not appropriate. I treasure our friendship, and I dont want to lose you as a friend too.

I try to 'read' you, to think what you are thinking of. I try to look up if there is any words, signs, somewhere in our conversations that could direct me whether you like me that way or not. But I couldn't - moreover, it is just making me a lot more confuse.

I asked a friend yesterday, asking on a guy's perspective. Even though I have lived all my years having 2 flirty brothers, I still havent learnt the genuine 'gestures' of a guy when he is interested.. But he is not that helpful. -_-*

me: so, tell me, how could I tell whether he likes me or not?
a friend: how would I know?
me: you are a guy ...
a friend: .....
me: >.< a friend: do you really dont know?
me: .........
a friend: .... I used to like you remember? Dont you remember how it is like back then?
me: ..........

And he proceeded on reminiscing ... ugh. As a matter of fact, yes, I didn't remember how it was back then. I wanted to forget all that - in fact, I would have if he didn't bring it up again. hmpf! Whatever ... I am onto someone else now. So, eat your heart out!