What if ...
What if I like my friend, my good friend - even though probably, I am not supposed to like him. I dont know why, but maybe I am just not supposed to. After all, we are friends ... only friends. I still remember what he said some time ago, that he is there for me if I need a company.. A company. Thats exactly the word he said - the word that hold me back. Because I know, that's the only thing he expected from me. We are friends.
I dont know when exactly I started liking him this way. To start with, he is just this ex classmate I have back in high school. He is smart without even trying, and I remember that one year when he sat in front of me, and Maths just become one of my favourite subjects. Why? Because I like talking to him .. Somehow, he could just make me happy - he is funny! And I enjoyed watching him drawing. At that time, I thought that he would be a great artist one day.
And then, the following year, we were in separate classes. I remembered chatting through MSN with him a few times, and he confessed that he has special feelings for a girl in his class. I encouraged him to approach her, but I dont know what happen after that, anyway, ironically, now the girl is his best friend's girl friend.
Then, the uni life .. He is still just a friend I know. And we are now studying in 2 different countries. I am in New Zealand, and he is across the globe in UK - which means I wont be seeing him for years. But we chatted. And as months passed, I realized that I like chatting with him so much. He is someone who could cheer me up and motivate me. Whenever I am down, I find myself trying to reach him through IM. Unfortunately, he is not always online.
I have been telling myself I should not like him this way. We are friends. And deep down inside, I think I know that he wont like me that way anyway. He can have any choice of girls he want. He is amazing, talented,smart, funny and good looking. And I definitely do not want to destroy our friendship just because of my stupid feelings - which I am not supposed to develop anyway.
But do I listen? No. No matter how much I try not to think of him, I still do. I tried to brush this feeling aside, thinking this is just a silly crush of mine - and yet, the feeling persists. In fact, it becomes stronger. And one day I woke up, I realize, that I could never erase this special feelings that has developed for years...
I dont know when exactly I started liking him this way. To start with, he is just this ex classmate I have back in high school. He is smart without even trying, and I remember that one year when he sat in front of me, and Maths just become one of my favourite subjects. Why? Because I like talking to him .. Somehow, he could just make me happy - he is funny! And I enjoyed watching him drawing. At that time, I thought that he would be a great artist one day.
And then, the following year, we were in separate classes. I remembered chatting through MSN with him a few times, and he confessed that he has special feelings for a girl in his class. I encouraged him to approach her, but I dont know what happen after that, anyway, ironically, now the girl is his best friend's girl friend.
Then, the uni life .. He is still just a friend I know. And we are now studying in 2 different countries. I am in New Zealand, and he is across the globe in UK - which means I wont be seeing him for years. But we chatted. And as months passed, I realized that I like chatting with him so much. He is someone who could cheer me up and motivate me. Whenever I am down, I find myself trying to reach him through IM. Unfortunately, he is not always online.
I have been telling myself I should not like him this way. We are friends. And deep down inside, I think I know that he wont like me that way anyway. He can have any choice of girls he want. He is amazing, talented,smart, funny and good looking. And I definitely do not want to destroy our friendship just because of my stupid feelings - which I am not supposed to develop anyway.
But do I listen? No. No matter how much I try not to think of him, I still do. I tried to brush this feeling aside, thinking this is just a silly crush of mine - and yet, the feeling persists. In fact, it becomes stronger. And one day I woke up, I realize, that I could never erase this special feelings that has developed for years...
posted by Ujieka at 5:58 AM
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